Fall Semester of Senior Year: Check.

As I sit here listening to the rain fall outside and the sound of Christmas carols filling my apartment, I am filled with contentment and joy. I am simply amazed that it is this time of year again. Can it really be almost Christmas? Has this semester really come to an end? It never ceases to amaze me how fast time flies. I remember coming into this semester wondering what it was going to bring, feeling like it was going to be a big one but not truly knowing all that would entail. Now, here I am, sixteen weeks later, able to look back and see what the Holy Spirit meant by "big". It would take me forever to type up everything that happened, everything I have learned, stretching, being challenged, PRAYER, laughter, joy, it was a semester of being sharpened. God placed some incredible people in my life. People that I could go on and on about but basically, they are people that inspire me. People that make me desire a closer relationship with the Lord. I have learned so much about he Holy Spirit this semester. When believers live in the power of the Spirit the evidence is almost supernatural. Us as Christians cannot help but be different and in turn, the world cannot help but take notice. The more I learn about the Holy Spirit the more I realize that sometimes the prompting of the Spirit does not quite make sense. Do it any way. Be bold. Be courageous. Two things that are way easier said than done. I have been feeling deeper than I ever have before and that is a scary yet wonderful thing. When I look back on different situations that have come up this year and think about different conversations I had, I know without a doubt that there is no way I would have been able to handle those things on my own. It is empowering knowing I'm not in it alone. God is just so faithful and SO good. I know that years from now, when I think of college, I will remember this semester and smile. It has been filled with: random pool parties in the rain, plenty of good conversations, tons of prayer, laughter, trials, overcoming those trials, friendships beginning, sleepovers, living life with people...and to think, this year is only half over. (:

Walk it out.

"Christ has no body on earth but yours,

no hands but yours,

no feet but yours.

Yours are the eyes through which

Christ's compassion for the world is to look out; yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good; and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now. "



- Saint Teresa of Avila



I had to re-read this a few times because it moved something in me. Christ has no body on this earth but yours...wow. As I read this and allowed it to begin to sink I was struck with the truth of this statement. God placed me on this earth with the simple purpose of bringing Him glory. How am I bringing Him glory with this body that He has given me? With this body that He formed specifically for me? Am I using my eyes, hands and feet for His purposes? I want to be a Daughter of Obedience. I want to be walking along the path that He has set out for me. We are called to do that. We need to walk it out.



Will you join me?

This one is Yours.

It is unbelievable to me that I move back to school in a few days. Has it really already been almost two months? Wow. This has been a big summer for me. God has been teaching me so much, it hasn’t been easy but I can look back on it and say that it was good. To be honest, I still feel like I am in the middle of it, of the lessons. Since I’m moving back to school I almost feel like these lessons should come to an end just like summer has and new ones should begin. It doesn’t ever really work that way does now does it? I have been learning about what it truly looks like to trust Him. Trust in His timing, to trust in His plans. I don’t know why things happen the way they do, none of us truly do but one thing I do know is that everything happens for a reason. Things fall into place exactly the way they are suppose to and even though we can’t see it at the time, when we look back we can sometimes see how all the pieces fit together to map out our story. Each of our stories are so unique. It is evident that they are hand crafted to suit us perfectly. I have been unbelievably blessed. I have the most amazing family and such a wonderful group of friends. My family and my friends make me want to be better, they make me want to grow. They inspire me. I can feel that this year is going to be big. Yes, I am going to graduate in May and I know that is part of why I have this feeling but I think it is going to be more than that. I know that I will be challenged, stretched, taken out of my comfort zone and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Senior year. Wow. There are many more lessons to learn, more classes to take, more homework dates by the fountain, more games to attend, more people to meet and more coffee to be had. It is easy for me to get caught up in the fact that I only have a year left instead of realizing, I still have a year left. These past three years have been huge. I can only imagine all that this year is going to bring. Lord, I can’t and wouldn’t want to do this without you. This one is Yours.

Pride.

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
I cheat you of your God-given destiny…because you demand your own way.
I cheat you of contentment…because you “deserve better than this.”
I cheat you of knowledge…because you already know it all.
I cheat you of healing…because you are too full of you to forgive.I cheat you of holiness…because you refuse to admit when you are wrong.
I cheat you of vision…because you’d rather look in the mirror than out a window.
I cheat you of genuine friendship…because nobody’s going to know the real you.
I cheat you of love…because real romance demands sacrifice.
I cheat you of greatness in heaven…because you refuse to wash another’s feet on earth.
I cheat you of God’s glory…because I convinced you to seek your own.
My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
You like me because you think I’m always looking out for you.
Untrue.
I’m looking to make a fool of you.God has so much for you, I admit, but don’t worry…If you stick with me you’ll never know.

-Beth Moore

It is amazing how people can get so caught up in pride, as if they had anything to do with their accomplishments and achievements. God chooses to give us each different gifts and talents. He also chooses to use those gift and talents for His glory and to serve His purposes. When we win an award or excel at something, we need to give the credit to the one who blessed us with the ability to do those things. We as humans walk around as if we are entitled to things. The truth is, we are not entitled to anything. We don’t deserve to have things go our way, to have our plans work out or even to have good health. When things do go our way, when we are in good health, it is all by the grace of God. Living in this day and age, it is so easy to forget that. People walk around and pat themselves on the back instead of falling to their knees and giving thanks. It is incredible that God made each and every person different, there is only one you. Each of us have different gifts, I love that. Let’s use those gifts and not let pride get in the way.

One Day at a Time.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34

“O My child, have you not known the way of the Lord, and can you not trust Him now? Nothing shall befall you but that which comes from His hand. No one shall set upon you to hurt you, for your God has built around you a wall of fire.

Be content with what each day brings, rejoicing in your God, for surely He shall deliver you. He is the One who has brought you here.

His way is discernable to the eye of faith. His heart is surely your strong tower. In His affection you have security. In His love are your hope and your peace.

Do not question and do not doubt. Each day holds some small joy that shall escape you if you are preoccupied with tomorrow.

Nothing daunts your Father. Nothing can restore the past and nothing can bind the future, but today you may live in the full blessing of the Father’s smile. Hold to His words, for they are like a nail driven into solid wood. All else may seem shifting and transitory, but His Word is firm. It is a rock that shall not be moved. It is a firm place to stand.

Do not walk in the path of human reason, and resist the pressures that would project you into conjectures about the future. Live one day at a time! Simply striving to bring joy to your Father’s heart is enough to keep you occupied. For you know that He loves you, and you will find your peace as you rest in Him.”

I was reading this in a coffee shop this morning as I was waiting for a friend. I casually flipped through the pages of my devotional, looking for the one I was suppose to read next. The title of this hit me right away, “One Day at a Time.” How often do we live in the moment? I know that I am almost always thinking about what is next and what tomorrow will bring. My planner is almost a part of me. I plan things out, fit things in and look forward to those things. Once they are here though sometimes I spend the time thinking about what else is next instead of sitting there, in that moment, soaking it all up. Time flies by, I think we all can agree on that. Days can feel like weeks but then again weeks usually feel like days. In the blink of an eye a month can go by. Sometimes we don’t want to be where we are. We don’t want to drink up this moment, we cannot wait until it is over. Being somewhere uncomfortable is never easy but it is usually where we grow the most. Growing pains. We all get them, no one really looks forward to them. They hurt. They take us out of our comfort zones. I am learning that pain isn’t always a bad thing. God uses it. It has purpose. I don’t want to let the good times slip away without me fully enjoying them either. Life is too short. There are no guarantees. I need to start living one day at time, soaking up EACH moment, starting today (:

I Give Up.

You know when you get to that point when you know God is doing something big and yet you aren’t sure if you want to go along with Him? I know He is good. I know His way is right. At this moment I know I need to be running into His arms. I can feel His hands on my arms, gently pulling me into Him and yet instead of relaxing into His embrace, my arms are stiff and I’m kind of pulling away but not truly trying to push Him away. Lord, pull me into your arms. Allow Your Will to become mine. There is a difference between knowing and believing. There is a difference between knowing and trusting. I want to believe. I want to trust. It is always hard when things come to an end. There is no point in thinking about all the things you wish you would have done or said. I have learned so much from looking back at the past. I have been able to use it to relate to others, connect with others. It is also important not to be consumed by it. God, you know best, you’ve got this under control. We all like to be in control and yet at this point I feel like God, I have no other option other than to give everything up to you. I don’t know if I have ever truly felt like this before. It’s a beautiful struggle, if I can use the words “beautiful” and “struggle” next to each other in a sentence. It is amazing how putting things into words can help you come to terms and even begin to feel peace. Open my eyes to see You more clearly and soften my heart to feel Your presence. Lord, you are good. I give up, I give this up to You.

Seasons.

Life is all about seasons. There are seasons in weather, seasons with people, with work, seasons of life. There are times when you get to the end of a season and cannot wait until the next one starts. I feel like there are times in life when you feel like you are in the middle of a freezing winter and you literally cannot wait until you see the beginnings of spring. Other times in life you feel like you are in the middle of a wonderful summer and are not looking forward to the shorting of the days and brisk weather that fall brings along with it. As crazy as this past year has been, I’m having a hard time seeing the beginnings of the next season. It is exciting and it’s new but it is so unknown. I know that as I move home, get settled back in, am able to process this past season and prepare for the new one coming, I will be so excited about next year. Senior year. There are so many incredible things coming up and I wouldn’t be able to experience them without this year coming to an end. It is just hard saying good-bye. Saying good-bye to good friends who are graduating, residents who are leaving for home, my dorm, my roommate who I have lived with for three years… but I get to say hello to an internship at a pregnancy clinic this summer, to wonderful summer memories with friends, plenty of weddings, getting to be a resident coordinator next year in a cool apartment and two new awesome roommates. It is going to be so great. One of the things that God has taught me a lot about this year is how to truly feel. I feel like I have always been pretty in touch with my emotions but through walking along side women as they are hurting, I have learned how to feel more deeply. I know that the love that I feel for my family and my friends is only a glimpse of the love that our Father has for them. Along with that the pain that I feel for others as I watch them go through something difficult is also only a glimpse of the pain God feels for them. I have loved coming to that realization. Surprisingly, it was not an easy one to come to. With all of that, learning how to feel more deeply has left me hurting more as I am saying good-bye. I see it as a blessing. I am so incredible thankful for this past year and the fact that I feel this sad as it is coming to an end just shows how wonderful it all was. I am so blessed. I have the most amazing family. I get to go to a school that I L-O-V-E and am learning so much from. This season is coming to an end but the next one is just beginning and I know it will bring so many great and unexpected things with it.

Junior year: check.

One week from today I will be heading home for summer. It is amazing to me that it is this time of year already. It truly feels like I was just moving back to school at the beginning of August and now, in the blink of an eye, it is the end of May. This year has been one full of growth, challenges and wonderful memories. I feel like I have learned so much about myself. I have gotten to live on a floor filled with incredible women. These women have taught me so much about what it means to be a woman of God. They have taught me how to cling to God amidst pain and suffering that comes along with this life. As each girl comes to mind, I have no doubt that God handpicked them to be on the floor this year. I have been so blessed with my group of friends. I have learned a lot from them. They have challenged me and encouraged me in so many different ways. They have been examples of solid men and women of Christ. Supporting me in every aspect of this year. I have laughed, cried, made amazing memories, been stretched, taken out of my comfort zone, prayed harder than I ever have, made new friends, really missed some of my old ones, and as crazy as it all was I am able to sit here, look back and say, it was good. There were a lot of changes, some that were extremely difficult others that I welcomed gladly. God has been teaching me that in my daily walk, I will be victorious only to the degree that I trust Him. The devotional that I read this morning said, “I can help you only as you ask. I will meet you at every point where you put action alongside your prayers.” Wow. It is a mix between both prayer and action. How often do we sit down and pray about something and then forget all about it? God has been taking me out of my comfort zone in so many ways and He has been teaching me that even though we may feel inadequate, He wouldn’t place us in a situation He knew we couldn’t handle. Now that is a comforting thought. “No case is too hard for Me. Never be taken by surprise when I use you to change a pattern. Do not judge man by what he appears to be, but see him as what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to Me.” God is doing some big things within me and I am excited to be able to look back on this time of my life and hopefully be able to see everything He is doing, or at least part of what He is doing. I can’t believe that I am finishing up my junior year of college. Only one more until I graduate! I am looking forward to what God is going to do with the time I have left at Biola, well, at least as an undergrad (;

Just the beginning.

My friend and I were talking about blogging and journaling. It really got me thinking. I’ve never had a blog before, nor do I really feel like that many people would be that interested in reading it but I do think there is value in writing down your thoughts and opinions. Some people do that in the form of writing songs, others do it through poetry, photography, art… but none of those truly define me. Writing notes, journaling, now those are things I love. This might be better if for no other reason than I have spell check on my computer (:

I am excited about this. I am excited to start blogging, to start trying to think more creatively. Now, I just have to figure out where I want to begin, where do I want to start. I guess starting right where I’m at would be the best place. So, this is where I’m at. I cannot believe that there is only two weeks of school left. Graduation is two weeks from tomorrow and even though I am not one of the people walking across the stage, many of the people that have been most influential during my time here at Biola so far will be. It is a bitter sweet feeling. I think most of us would agree that coming to the end of a season of life is always bitter sweet. I’m excited for what the next one will bring: the challenges, memories, triumphs, laughs and everything that goes along with the sweet. The bitter comes with the coming to an end. In some ways the change. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that change is a good thing but it can be difficult. It is hard to think about how things will never be exactly the same as they are right now. Sometimes that is a good thing; sometimes we just aren’t ready for that. I am somewhere in the middle. There are a few things that I do desire to change and other aspects that I would love to keep the way they are. It all happens so fast, life. Sometimes I wish there was a pause button that I could push just so I could sit back and soak it all in. This past year seems like a blur. By now it is a collage of memoires. It is hard not to smile when I think back on it all. This year brought many things with it, new friends, real conversations, old friends coming back into my life, tears, joy, pain, laughter, decisions, choices, growth and so much more. Just thinking about all the moments that God intervened on my behalf is amazing to me. If I had done things my way, things would have been different and being able to look back on it now, I know that it wouldn’t have been for the better. It is funny how God always knows best and yet we still struggle to trust Him with every aspect of our lives. Why is that? I would say it is because we love having control. We want to think that we know best. I praise God for this past year, for this past semester, for Him knowing best. His hand has been in ALL of it. It’s not over yet. Two weeks. 14 days. It seems like the end is almost here and yet, it is just the beginning.