Seasons.

Life is all about seasons. There are seasons in weather, seasons with people, with work, seasons of life. There are times when you get to the end of a season and cannot wait until the next one starts. I feel like there are times in life when you feel like you are in the middle of a freezing winter and you literally cannot wait until you see the beginnings of spring. Other times in life you feel like you are in the middle of a wonderful summer and are not looking forward to the shorting of the days and brisk weather that fall brings along with it. As crazy as this past year has been, I’m having a hard time seeing the beginnings of the next season. It is exciting and it’s new but it is so unknown. I know that as I move home, get settled back in, am able to process this past season and prepare for the new one coming, I will be so excited about next year. Senior year. There are so many incredible things coming up and I wouldn’t be able to experience them without this year coming to an end. It is just hard saying good-bye. Saying good-bye to good friends who are graduating, residents who are leaving for home, my dorm, my roommate who I have lived with for three years… but I get to say hello to an internship at a pregnancy clinic this summer, to wonderful summer memories with friends, plenty of weddings, getting to be a resident coordinator next year in a cool apartment and two new awesome roommates. It is going to be so great. One of the things that God has taught me a lot about this year is how to truly feel. I feel like I have always been pretty in touch with my emotions but through walking along side women as they are hurting, I have learned how to feel more deeply. I know that the love that I feel for my family and my friends is only a glimpse of the love that our Father has for them. Along with that the pain that I feel for others as I watch them go through something difficult is also only a glimpse of the pain God feels for them. I have loved coming to that realization. Surprisingly, it was not an easy one to come to. With all of that, learning how to feel more deeply has left me hurting more as I am saying good-bye. I see it as a blessing. I am so incredible thankful for this past year and the fact that I feel this sad as it is coming to an end just shows how wonderful it all was. I am so blessed. I have the most amazing family. I get to go to a school that I L-O-V-E and am learning so much from. This season is coming to an end but the next one is just beginning and I know it will bring so many great and unexpected things with it.

Junior year: check.

One week from today I will be heading home for summer. It is amazing to me that it is this time of year already. It truly feels like I was just moving back to school at the beginning of August and now, in the blink of an eye, it is the end of May. This year has been one full of growth, challenges and wonderful memories. I feel like I have learned so much about myself. I have gotten to live on a floor filled with incredible women. These women have taught me so much about what it means to be a woman of God. They have taught me how to cling to God amidst pain and suffering that comes along with this life. As each girl comes to mind, I have no doubt that God handpicked them to be on the floor this year. I have been so blessed with my group of friends. I have learned a lot from them. They have challenged me and encouraged me in so many different ways. They have been examples of solid men and women of Christ. Supporting me in every aspect of this year. I have laughed, cried, made amazing memories, been stretched, taken out of my comfort zone, prayed harder than I ever have, made new friends, really missed some of my old ones, and as crazy as it all was I am able to sit here, look back and say, it was good. There were a lot of changes, some that were extremely difficult others that I welcomed gladly. God has been teaching me that in my daily walk, I will be victorious only to the degree that I trust Him. The devotional that I read this morning said, “I can help you only as you ask. I will meet you at every point where you put action alongside your prayers.” Wow. It is a mix between both prayer and action. How often do we sit down and pray about something and then forget all about it? God has been taking me out of my comfort zone in so many ways and He has been teaching me that even though we may feel inadequate, He wouldn’t place us in a situation He knew we couldn’t handle. Now that is a comforting thought. “No case is too hard for Me. Never be taken by surprise when I use you to change a pattern. Do not judge man by what he appears to be, but see him as what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to Me.” God is doing some big things within me and I am excited to be able to look back on this time of my life and hopefully be able to see everything He is doing, or at least part of what He is doing. I can’t believe that I am finishing up my junior year of college. Only one more until I graduate! I am looking forward to what God is going to do with the time I have left at Biola, well, at least as an undergrad (;

Just the beginning.

My friend and I were talking about blogging and journaling. It really got me thinking. I’ve never had a blog before, nor do I really feel like that many people would be that interested in reading it but I do think there is value in writing down your thoughts and opinions. Some people do that in the form of writing songs, others do it through poetry, photography, art… but none of those truly define me. Writing notes, journaling, now those are things I love. This might be better if for no other reason than I have spell check on my computer (:

I am excited about this. I am excited to start blogging, to start trying to think more creatively. Now, I just have to figure out where I want to begin, where do I want to start. I guess starting right where I’m at would be the best place. So, this is where I’m at. I cannot believe that there is only two weeks of school left. Graduation is two weeks from tomorrow and even though I am not one of the people walking across the stage, many of the people that have been most influential during my time here at Biola so far will be. It is a bitter sweet feeling. I think most of us would agree that coming to the end of a season of life is always bitter sweet. I’m excited for what the next one will bring: the challenges, memories, triumphs, laughs and everything that goes along with the sweet. The bitter comes with the coming to an end. In some ways the change. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that change is a good thing but it can be difficult. It is hard to think about how things will never be exactly the same as they are right now. Sometimes that is a good thing; sometimes we just aren’t ready for that. I am somewhere in the middle. There are a few things that I do desire to change and other aspects that I would love to keep the way they are. It all happens so fast, life. Sometimes I wish there was a pause button that I could push just so I could sit back and soak it all in. This past year seems like a blur. By now it is a collage of memoires. It is hard not to smile when I think back on it all. This year brought many things with it, new friends, real conversations, old friends coming back into my life, tears, joy, pain, laughter, decisions, choices, growth and so much more. Just thinking about all the moments that God intervened on my behalf is amazing to me. If I had done things my way, things would have been different and being able to look back on it now, I know that it wouldn’t have been for the better. It is funny how God always knows best and yet we still struggle to trust Him with every aspect of our lives. Why is that? I would say it is because we love having control. We want to think that we know best. I praise God for this past year, for this past semester, for Him knowing best. His hand has been in ALL of it. It’s not over yet. Two weeks. 14 days. It seems like the end is almost here and yet, it is just the beginning.